Children need to know what is expected of them, which behaviours are appropriate and which are not.  Providing clear expectations is important.  For example, if a child hits her baby sister, telling her “that’s not nice” is unclear because it doesn’t explain what she should not do.  A clear response is: “Hitting hurts.  Be gentle when you touch the baby.”  Try telling children what to do, instead of what not to do.  Say “walk” instead of “don’t run.”

 

Establishing rules for a family can be hard.  Rules should be fair and appropriate to the child’s age.  It is overwhelming to children when there are too many rules and difficult for parents to follow through.  Rules need to be explained many times.  Rules need to be simple and clear.  Be consistent with rules in your family.  If the rule is “no shoes in the house,” the rule should be for everyone in the family, including adults.  As children get older they can be included in making rules for the family.  They are more likely to follow rules, be cooperative and avoid power struggles when they are part of developing family rules.

 

When rules are broken, children are testing limits.  They are looking to their parents to see if this is a rule they really have to follow.  Be calm, but firm in keeping to the rule.

 

For more information about parenting, rules and power struggles, you can email me at  lmcintosh(at)childreach(dot)on(dot)ca.

 

 

Lisa McIntosh, Parent Educator