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Please welcome our first-ever guest blogger , Chantelle Diachina!! I met Chantelle at a ChangeCamp Conference a few weeks ago, and I was so very flattered that she was an avid Childreach blog reader. When she offered to be a guest blogger, I nearly fell over in excitement. Absolutely!! Without wasting any time, she started writing, and here is her first (I hope there are many more!) guest post. Thank you, Chantelle!
Character Development Isn’t Just for Children
Who is teaching your child her values and morals? If you are not the one providing explicit lessons in how to ‘be’ in the world, then it’s safe to say your child’s character is being shaped by multiple third parties. Do you know who those third parties are?
In our society so little attention is paid to character development, yet it should come before the importance of good grades or how well a child plays soccer. If a child doesn’t have a strong internal compass, all energies spent ensuring he has a ‘good life’ are wasted.
In our family, my husband and I always keep in mind these three things when it comes to developing our children’s character:
1. We learn together (all of us are building our character)
2. We encourage each other (all of us need reminding from time to time)
3. We keep good company (it keeps us focused and strong)
We Learn Together:
As a parent, it’s just as important to rethink your own view of the world and how a human being living at her highest potential interacts with others, herself and the world around her. Some guiding questions for self-inquiry are:
Values: What are the things that are most important to you?
Morals: What internal rules and guidelines do you have to support you in reaching your fullest potential? (Do some of them need to be changed?)
Vision: What kind of world would you like to see your child grow up in? What kind of world would YOU like to live in?
Belief: What would you have to believe about yourself and place value in for your vision to happen?
Action: In what ways would you have to behave and act to contribute to your vision?
Adjust: What kind of environment would you have to be in to get the support you need in order to make action toward your vision?
We Keep Good Company:
Putting you and your child in the right environment is the best means of positive reinforcement and doesn’t just refer to physical environment. While your physical surroundings are important, it’s not always possible to pick up and move. But it could mean putting a stop to name calling during a disagreement or making more time for cuddling together. It might even mean changing who and what you associate with.
“It takes a whole village to raise a child” is an African proverb that rings true. While we may not have the same sense of community that our ancestors did, developing character greatly depends on more than one source to lean on.
For some it could be attending a weekly religious ceremony, others it may prefer finding a mentor or reading inspiring books (folktales and myths are great for children) or it could be as simple as connecting with a positive-minded friend. Better yet, it could be a combination of all of the above. For children to hear the same message from as many different sources as possible is extremely important because when it’s only coming from mom or dad, well, you’re just mom and dad – what do you know?
We Encourage Each Other:
The following are a few ideas that have worked well in our family and may work for you or spark ideas of your own:
- Use dry erase markers (Crayola Window markers work fantastic) to write quotes and phrases on your mirrors. When you get ready in the morning, it sets the tone for the day and in the evening while you get ready for bed, it holds you accountable as you reflect on your actions throughout the day. Have the kids choose and write their own “reminders.”
- Each week or month, create hand-decorated posters on a particular value or ethic to be reinforced. Hang them up in the kitchen for discussion at dinner and for a personal focus theme. Put them in a book and reuse when particular issues need to be addressed or a renewal of commitment needs to be made.
- We also have a secret code question in our house to hold us accountable for our actions: “What kind of seed did you just plant: a weed or a flower?” This reminds us that every thought and action has a consequence. If we think ahead we can have a greater influence over outcomes and if we recognize soon enough that we have planted a weed, we can change our actions (in many cases, reactions) to ensure a more pleasant consequence for others and ourselves.
Consciously teaching your child morals and values every day requires a lot of thought, time and energy, but it definitely has the makings of a beautiful blossom. It also has an added benefit – it makes you become a better adult. While the process of updating, rearranging, adding and dismissing the constructs of your worldview never ends, when you put more thought into how you live your life and why you think the way that you do, chances are you will create more value for yourself, your child and the world around you.
About Chantelle Diachina
After six years as a London resident, Chantelle Diachina, a busy wife and mother of two, is very proud to call the Forest City her home. She is currently the client relations manager at rtraction, and brings with her over 10 years of prior experience as an elementary school teacher. Chantelle is also a certified yoga teacher and teaches evening yoga classes at The Athletic Club. Her academics include a Bachelor of Science degree in Education from Wayne State University and a Master’s of Education degree in education from The University of Windsor. She recently graduated from Fanshawe College’s Corporate Communications and Public Relations graduate studies program receiving honours and the 2010 London Life/IABC Leadership award for up and coming communicators. In 2010 Chantelle appeared as a guest panelist on TVO public affairs show The Agenda with Steve Paikin and volunteered as editor and contributing writer of the 2010 Special Olympics Canada Summer Games monthly newsletter, “The Insider”.
The beginning of a new year often brings promises of resolutions. We often think of the new year as a new start about things we’d like to change or accomplish. As parents, have you ever thought about encouraging children to set goals for themselves? Children who set realistic goals and meet them can improve their self-esteem while it teaches them to manage their time, make good decisions and build their confidence. Goals can be set any time of the year. Have children pick a date that is meaningful for them, their birthday, valentine’s day etc. Then guide them through these steps:
- Set goals that are specific and realistic, like “I will save my allowance money to buy a new video game.” (Set small goals with small children)
- Have them write it down and post it where it’ll be seen everyday to remind them of what they’re working toward.
- Help them make an ‘action plan’ with a timeline and steps that can be crossed off as the goal is reached to give them a sense of accomplishment. (use a calendar, a running total of money collected and /or a bank account so they can see it growing)
- Help them ‘believe in themselves’ and staying positive about their progress by praising their efforts & recognizing their gains.
- Let them know that setbacks can happen, not to get discouraged, but to try again.
- Tell children you’re there to support them and to ask if they need help.
- Teach children to reward themselves or set a time to celebrate even small achievements together.
Written by: Mary Ann Avey, RECE
Why do parents yell? Sometimes they’re tired, or kids don’t listen and yelling seems to work. Often parents don’t know what else to do. Yelling disrupts a positive, loving relationship; it leaves children and parents feeling unhappy.
It’s important to build a positive parent-child relationship. Start by spending most of your time together having positive interactions. Set a goal to cut down on negative interactions, which include nagging, blaming and criticizing. Keep track of how often you are negative by using a piece of paper and place an X for each negative interaction or comment you make. This may help you be aware of how often it happens. Try to have 8 out of 10 interactions with your child be positive.
When your child does something you like, mention it. For example: “You put all the toys away. Thanks.” or “That was great listening today in the grocery store.” or “You were very helpful with the baby.” Be specific about what you are praising. Positive attention also includes hugs, kisses, high fives, pats on the back and saying “I love you.”
Lastly, special time together is important. It builds a warm relationship. Try: reading, playing, colouring or cooking together. Go on outings planned by your child. Listen attentively when your child talks to you.
Yelling is a hard habit to quit, but positive time together can make it easier.
Lisa McIntosh, Parent Educator
Since I began working at Childreach, I have had the privilege of observing child development in many ways. Here is an example of the role of encouragement and reward.
One day I put the new fire truck wooden peg puzzle on the table, and some kids were interested in putting the pieces together. There was one puzzle more challenging than the other puzzles. The first child asked a couple of questions to get his mom’s attention. Although his mom answered his questions, it seemed as if he wasn’t satisfied. So he was frustrated with the challenge of putting the pieces together and didn’t continue to finish it. Later on, there was another child who came up and was interested in putting those pieces together. He started and put some pieces together, but he was also faced with difficulties, so he asked for help. This time his mom answered him with encouragement such as “That is a very interesting question. Let’s see where you can put it.” Later on his mom asked, “Do you think it’s better to complete the puzzle by using a certain pattern, number, or color?” – “I want to do it by numbers.” answered the three-year old son. – “That is a great idea. Let’s try.” He completed inserting the pieces by receiving attention, questions, and prizes.
Children need encouragement and reward throughout learning in order to gain confidence and feel a sense of accomplishment which helps them to be independent thinkers.
Kamala Azizova, Early Years Playgroup Leader
